March 16, 2010

وداعا, [تيل] يلتقي نحن ثانية 'Til We Meet Again, Inshallah

'You fucked my life!', he was shouting like mad. I have never seen him like that before.. just that night. And in the next few minutes, he was crying like a baby,'please, please, you just don't understand...'

That day, I have decided to finally finish everything. It was all planned. Two months before that day, I know I will be all ready and geared up to end things peacefully. While everything was smoothly going on as the day approaches, something just came up. He wasn't ready to accept it.

I lied. I cheated. I played.

He came for a talk. He asked for it. Or maybe he was obliged to do so because he was so scared. I enjoyed every minute of seeing how crazy he became, not knowing what to do, not knowing what to say and yes, he looked totally messed up on that moment. I was in the upper hand of everything. I was totally in control of the situation until he said, 'Keep it and I will kill myself, I swear.' He wasn't looking at me, his gaze were too far away and his face twitched as if in a moment, he would break the front glass of the car. I can't believe I saw tears falling from his eyes. 'You have to choose.'

I know inside me, I don't need to. There was no choice for me. But just to keep him calm and to lighten up the atmosphere, I held his hand and said, 'Okay, if that's the right thing for you, I will,now I need to go.' Then he said, 'Dont go please, I will give you money, I will sell this car, I will buy you ticket,just please cancel your flight tomorrow..', ohh, that was all I ever wanted to hear. But I already have made up my mind. It's about time to turn the page over.

...and then the next twists were totally against all my will. But to keep him sane at that moment, I laid down all my cards even if it means stepping down on what I have been believing all my life. This guy who said he fears God does the opposite. Selfish! May God forgive me, but I have known what kind of man he is. Poor scared cat.

We said our goodbyes. That was all the end. 'May you have a good life', he said. 'And you as well..goodbye.'

'Inshallah.'

'Inshallah.'