April 30, 2010

It's Hard To Say Goodbye

After contemplating of the past, counting regrets... I guess, its about time to cut loses.

It's hard to say goodbye. Just when you would turn your back to that something that has become part of you, it feels like you getting limp. It catches like a double edged knife. I still wish it does... but when it consumes you even in your sleep and you wake up like you have been deprived of air for an hour, you would wish physical hurt is better to surpass.

But this time, I just realized it's a lot better to suffer now than trying to save something you know is hopeless. Yes, you heard me, OURS is useless. It has been good growing with you. A part of me if not became sturdier became more gentle. The bottom line: I have learned.

You were beautiful. You are still. When I see you, I see the flashes of laughters I have had. I knew I wasn't that greedy at some point in my life because I had someone to share my love. Thank you for reciprocating.

I'm not saying goodbye because I don't have the affection anymore we started with... nor I think you don't feel the same too. Without guilt, we know its about time to stop hurting each other. I can still feel the same atmosphere when you look at me, just like those times you would hold my hand and assure me we will go through. It's only this world. You have grown different from where I was raised and can't seem to think of how the opposite poles join at the end. i do understand that you see yourself better with someone you share the same reflections. I still want to believe you thought of the possibility of us... but you were scared. I am scared too. I know its possible. The God of whom I believe would move mountains for us. But, I guess, its still best to let go and just to savour the memories.

Thank you baba.

______________________________________

IT'S HARD TO SAY GOODBYE

There's something in your eyes that's far too revealing

Why must it be like this a love without feelin'
Something is wrong with you I know
I see it in your eyes
Believe me when I say
It's gonna be okay

I told you from the start I won't be demanding
I won't be demanding
If you have a change of heart I'll be understanding
I'll be understanding
When love becomes a broken heart and dreams begin to die
Believe me when I say
We'll work it out some way

I'll never try to hold you back
I wouldn't try controlling you
If it's what you want
It's what I want
I want what's best for you
And if there's something else that you're looking for
I'll be the first to help you try
Believe me when I say
It's hard to say goodbye

We've lost that loving touch we used to feel so much
I try to hide the truth that's in my eyes
The love without feeling
But when I feel we're not in love, I know I'm losing you
Believe when I say
We'll work it out some way

I'll never try to hold you back

I wouldn't try controlling you
If it's what you want
It's what I want
I want what's best for you
And if there's something else that you're looking for
I'll be the first to help you try
Believe me when I say
It's hard to say goodbye

Don't say goodbye

If it's what you want
It's what I want
I want what's best for you

I'll never try to hold you back
I wouldn't try controlling you
If it's what you want
It's what I want
I want what's best for you
And if there's something else that you're looking for
I'll be the first to help you try
Believe me when I say
It's hard to say goodbye


I'll never try to hold you back
I wouldn't try controlling you
If it's what you want
It's what I want
I want what's best for you
And if there's something else that you're looking for
I'll be the first to help you try


______________________________________________

April 14, 2010

29 and yellow roses

School year 2001- College of Education, Saint Louise Univerity, Baguio City
Come to think of it, its been almost 9-10 years had passed... But its the time frame that had stressed it more...

Its funny that on that year(2001), I have made myself a sign of 'who could be he'. Upon hearing my professor saying she is a strong believer of signs as they guide her on making decisions...I did figure out in my mind one funny sign that would tell me 'he is the one.' Somehow, when I would meet a guy and he would do this certain act, then I know it would be him...

well, I had been believing the sign i asked would really tell me.. since then, when I was 19 years old no one has ever given me flowers, -roses, yellow roses to be exact- until the day I turned 29... I never expected so.


True to my senses, while I was celebrating my birthday, in the middle of the dinner,an unexpected visitor turned up and put my body to 100volts. he then handed me a bouquet of roses, with all colours, four stems of yellow roses together with the rest..

I was supposed to be happy. honestly I was. Plus the fact that I haven't seen the giver for almost a month, I was supposed to be in desperation to seeing him. honestly, I was again. But when I saw the flowers...it numbed my brain! with that, I wasn't able to feel anymore.

Prior to this event, if you have been reading my previous post, I have already expressed my decision not to see this man anymore. I still believe that I have made the right decision. I am getting there. Almost a success. even if its tearing me apart. Yes, There were times I almost about to give up, to press the keys and viola! I could be happy again..but i chose to curl down and sleep. else, face the lappy and stalk on others. am i being silly?...whatever!

I still believe in that sign. Dont get me wrong... the reason why I'm keeping the distance is that if he is then the one, whatever happens since he fulfilled the sign, things would go down to the bottom in the end.. maybe...

PS,to the flower giver,thank you. til we meet again.