October 24, 2010

CONFESSION


This isn't the first time
I'm coming begging 
To You again.

I'm so much ashamed
and won't even show my face
To You Lord.

But have mercy this time again
Don't turn nor hide Your face 
from me I pray.

Cause I'm about to burn out
Too tired of running
From the ghosts of my past
Too tired of trying
To show I can beat them all.

Take my heart Lord
Hold my hand just like before
And I wanna give You all
and tell You all again
these hurts, this emptiness, these pains
I have had when I have forgotten
and was gone away.

Hear me Lord
and don't let me go
Cause I don't wanna go that way anymore.

_________________________________________________________________________________

As much as I wanted to write again, I guess I have lost the ability. It has been long time since I wrote one nice piece.

Though this one is so simple,still I will take time to polish it, I am grateful I was able to put into words a bit of what I wanted to pray. never mind the art, please get the message.







October 17, 2010

THE HARDEST WORD


It was a time I have to deal with my own self. Time I needed to be alone and figure out all what I really wanted to do. I may sound funny but that's the best reason I had to have let you left me.

At that time I was feeling confused and regretting some of the decisions I have made in my past, I was depressed. My stupidity, my disobedience to Him, my stubbornness seemed to be like a flashback in a movie to me... 'skeletons in my closet' as termed. Soon after, they even haunt me in my sleep. I know you would tell me, 'I have done worse than you', 'it's all part of growing..' I won't argue. If you know me well,you know my remonstration with that.

Battling with my own self, I have to give up a lot of things. Things I know are fleshing out my depression, because at the same time I was depressed, I cannot accept to myself that there was nothing I must be proud of. I have to put the pressure to myself. I have move and make something I will find worthy. Something I will soon feel rewarding..The reason I even find the conversations we have had as barren. boys, flirting, gossip... you can add more. And spiritually, I can hear the deafening call of Him to me to which at that time, I am trying to ignore because I fear being accountable. 

... and so I AM SORRY.  First because I have to put the wall between us. Second, because I didn't want to be thinking the same way as we all do. I wanted to change me. My mentality. I want to be better than who i am at that time because inside me I know I can.

... and I wanted to respond to Him. With that, I have to safeguard myself.